After years of thinking and discussing this issue, I believe it is time it is addressed. When I think back to all the killer fuckin shirts I have had and lost, it makes we want to throw up. I remember every time overkill, megadeth, kiss, testament, would release a new design, we would race to Little Rock or Memphis to buy them.
At any given time since I was 14, I have had at least 25 metal shirts that I would rotate, depending on my current playlist. From the Dangerous Toys 'Sportin A Woody' shirt I got when they opened up for the Cult 'Sonic Temple' Tour, to the Alice Cooper $10 bootleg shirt I scored outside the arena on the 'Trash' tour, I always had a seriously prized collection. I even remember getting sent home from school for refusing to turn my Guns N Roses 'rape scene' shirt inside out. I know that I lost most of my most cherished shirts while on tour, but I still think back and wonder how I could have really lost so many kickass shirts. I mean, at one time I had every Metallica, Megadeth, Kiss, and Iron Maiden shirt that was available.
The most disgusting part of all of this... I am just one of the hundreds of people that have this exact same story. When I talk to people about this, it seems everyone else suffers from this terrible affliction. It makes me wonder, is there some greasy metal pig in New Jersey or somewhere sitting on all the lost and stolen metal shirts ever lost by every drunk or stoned metalhead in the world? Where is my original W.A.S.P. Fuck Like A Pig shirt goddamnit?? I'll tell u where it is. On Ebay for $150 fuckin dollars. Being sold by some greasy metal pig in New Jersey.
So I have a new cure for dealing with this pain. Every time I take a shot of whiskey, I cheers to a particular lost metal shirt that I used to have and is now in the abyss with all your lost metal shirts. By the time I take a shot for every shirt I can remember, I will probably destroy my liver and will die and be re-united with that Bolt Thrower 'Realm Of Chaos' shirt that I miss so motherfuckin goddamn much it hurts.
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