When people who are close to me wonder why I have to "go away" for awhile, not answer my phone, not call people back, and not show up to events that I should, I can't figure out the way to describe how much it hurts me to be this vessel that i have become. When I turn my body, heart, and mind over to these forces in order to pull these sounds and energies from this infinite source, it totally drains all my life force. It is one thing to write music. It is completely different to let music write itself through you. Anyone familiar with channeling will tell you how painful it is when you return back into your body after being in the ethereal plane. All the art that lasts forever comes from this plane. You find yourself there at your lowest moments. Your times closest to death. When you are in your greatest pain is when you create your greatest work. If you don't take time to recover from these spiritual voyages, you can die. Many have. Many more will. If I don't call you back or show up to support you when I should, I am truly sorry. I'm trying to survive long enough to watch the end of the age. I've been waiting for a very long time.
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